The Attack of Laura’s Blog
Posted on December 12th, 2017 @ 7:26 pm

Before there was Robert’); DROP TABLE Students;–, there was Laura’s blog.

A little background. Staying with me as a temporary roommate is my friend, Laura. We’ve known each other for 20 years. We met online. We were 2 girls in Georgia with similar likes and issues.

We were going down memory lane last night online. We found our old web pages we made from the early Aughts. We were just talking about the good times, when Laura mentioned her blog.

Oh Laura’s Blog, you still live on in the deep archives of the Internet. And Blogrolling.com, I still miss you.

What happened was, in the early Aughts, before Twitter, Facebook, and yes, MySpace, people had blogs like this one I have. There was this service, called Blogrolling.com. It was a website people used to have a centralized list of other blogs they recommended.

November 17, 2003 was the date the entire world using Blogrolling.com was hit by a bug. A critical bug that I happened to be the poor person to find. However, Laura took the brunt of the abuse.

I was editing my Blogroll that morning. I was modifying a link. At the time, you could embed some HTML into a link on Blogrolling. I was modifying the HTML on a link and Blogrolling went nuts on me. All of my Blogroll was of this  one link. I went back to fix it, and I modified Laura’s link to her blog. It did the same thing. So, I sent in a request to Blogrolling help explaining what happened.

And then Laura left me a message saying she was getting a lot of e-mails and comments on her blog from other people for hacking Blogrolling. It was the main topic of the day. There was a MetaFilter discussion: Did Laura hack Blogrolling.com? WordPress wrote an entry about it: Blogrolling Hack Illustrates Need for Decentralization.

Here are some samples of what people were saying on that day:

Either Blogrolling.com is having serious technical difficulties, or it’s been hacked. Either would explain not being able to get to its homepage, and, instead, getting endless entries for “Laura’s Blog” in the blogroll. Not surprisingly, Laura’s Blog is slow to respond …

Dave Does The Blog

It seems as tho Blogrolling got hacked. Everyone who has a blog roll using the service has had their roll(s) replaced with repetitive instances of “Laura’s Blog.” I am not even going to link to the site. This is pathetic. Now I have to recreate my blogroll. I know I won’t remember all of them. Maybe I should just forgo the service all together and go back to the old way of writing the HTML myself for my links list. After today it makes me think I should.

Breaking Windows

It looks like Blogrolling has been hacked. Every entry in my blogroll is for some site called Laura’s Blog. Update: If you go to that site it looks like Laura herself is an innocent victim here. She hardly seems like some super hacker.

Right-Thinking from the Left Coast

And our favorite one:

And then a funny thing happened; Blogrolling got hacked. All of their blogrolls pointed to Laura’s blog. Laura happens to be the sister of Dave, a friend of mine already listed in MY blogroll.

Mostly Muppet

If only I could look up just “Laura’s Blog Blogrolling” on the Internet Archive at the moment. I’m sure there are some doozies there.

Laura ended up the most hate person in the blogosphere that day. People kept calling it a hack and wanted to harm the hacker. They wanted to harm Laura!

I was mortified. I was doing everything I could to let people know this was an honest mistake.

Finally, Jason, the owner of the site, left a comment on my blog at the time exonerating me:

You folks wanna yell at someone yell at me. There was a 1 in a million bug that Shawn found and screwed up the system. It was my fault for not plugging the hole and I apologize.

-Jason D.

He had my e-mails, in the midst of 3,000 other angry e-mails, about the issue. I had explained to him what happened and the logs and back-end code backed my story. I had inadvertently found a defect in the Blogrolling system. Just happened to be a HUGE one. One all of the Internet saw that day.

In the 14 years since, I’ve gone on to get a degree in IT and work with SQL code all the time. Did so just today.  Now, I don’t know what the issue was in original back-end code, but I remember my issue dealt with forgetting a \ when coding that HTML. Looking back on it now, what I have must have done was akin to a SQL injection. Basically, I had Robert’); DROP TABLE Students;– Blogrolling.com. This time, it just happened to change all links to Laura’s Blog. It was finally when I was in college learning about SQL did I realize what had happened.

So, all you SQL coders out there, sanitize your inputs in your system code before it’s put on the tables before you get another Laura’s Blog or Little Bobby Tables!


Comments
Geek · Life



Dear Keaton,
Posted on December 11th, 2017 @ 7:14 pm

I don’t know.  I will probably never meet you.  You will probably never read this entry.  However, this is something I had to get off my chest.

I’m not picking on you with this letter.  I am looking at it from a neutral side. Don’t take it personally.

If you were the original bully, shame on you.  However, that shame should really be placed upon your parents, if the stories of them being racist is true.  They are the adult; you are a child.  They should be teaching you positive life lessons, not negative ones. You should not be calling other children slurs. They are like you; they are being taught lessons in negativity and hatred.  They are not learning about turning the other cheek and walk away.  You need to learn that lesson, too.

If the original story I heard was true, I’m sorry you are being bullied.  I had one in 8th grade. Again, turn the cheek, for they know not what they do.  I was taught as a kid going through these troubles that most bullies suffer from inferiority complexes. They don’t like who they are, so in order to improve there esteem, they pick on someone “lesser” than them.  I heard your speech. That could be a reason, but I don’t know.  Kids are cruel and make fun of anything. These bullies have their own issues and insecurities and are trying to compensate for that.

Again, I don’t know the whole story.  It hurt to hear you cry. You resonate with many of us because we have been that picked on child.

As for the adults in this story, they are the shameful ones.  Shameful that you are being taught horrible lessons in life.  Just as you can’t help your speech, those kids can’t help what color they were born or other problems they have in this whole story.  However, the adults in your life and their lives are failing you.  You should get along with one another.  Be friends over stuff like wrestling and Ninja Turtles.  I’m sure you have something in common.

I think you are a poor victim in all of this.  Either you’re a victim of your upbringing or a victim of some other kids’ lack of an upbringing. Now that the world knows what is happening, people are ganging up on you.

I hope and pray you find peace.  I hope and pray the other kids find peace. But now, it’s time for me to address the grown-ups.

To all the parents of the kids in this story: YOU ARE WHAT IS WRONG WITH AMERICA TODAY! You have no class. You aren’t teaching your children how to be decent people.  I don’t know which persons in this story are the aggressors and which ones are the sitting ducks.  No matter who is starting the problem, you are teaching these kids to bully back.  They already feel like crap. You are encouraging them to take on more crap. Be the bigger person and put a stop to this madness.

And this letter doesn’t just end with Keaton, the other boys, and the parents. It’s about ALL of us as a whole. I have seen some vile and rude people taking out the anger on his mother’s rumored racists action out on the poor child. He is a child.  Like balloon boy before him, he’s just a pawn in the game played by the adults.  And we, society, are wrong to take that anger out on him directly. You are no better than the other adults in this drama.  You have an inferiority complex as well.  It’s so sad and pathetic that you actually think you’re in the right and justified and dignified to attack a poor child. A poor child that can’t help when and where he was born, the family life gave him, and the people that life has placed around him. Even if he wasn’t a victim of the original story, he is now. You are bullies.  Bullies hiding behind a keyboard. I pity you because of that. I pity the fact you are so insecure, you have to justify your ego by insulting an 11-year-old boy. I pity you for being so dark and unkind. I pity the fact you aren’t trying to improve the world. Actually, that last sentence shouldn’t be about pity, but disgust. It’s disgusting that you rather destroy this young boy than to help him up.

As for those that have seen that the kids involved are suffering and don’t deserve to be bullied, thank you.  I wish our fellow humans would take note.  We need to quit tearing our society down and starting helping one another.


Comments
Head Scratchers · Life · Politics & Current Events



“I Bless The Rains Down In Africa”
Posted on December 10th, 2017 @ 11:07 am

Last year, my Operation Christmas Child boxes went to Mali.

This year, double the boxes, double the African nations!

First nation: Cameroon.

Flag of Cameroon

Nation of Cameroon

Second nation: Chad

Flag of Chad

Nation of Chad

I don’t know where each box went. I hope the kids in both nations that get my boxes enjoy what is in them. I did pack them with Africa in mind since my boxes went to Mali last year.


Comments
Life · Operation Christmas Child



I Completed My First Race/Run
Posted on November 24th, 2017 @ 2:24 pm

You should do your duty in all things. You can never do more, you should never wish to do less.
-Robert E. Lee

I don’t care what your personal feeling on Robert E. Lee are, but I thought this was an appropriate quote for leading off on my post.

I survived the Turkey Trot.

I’m not a runner.  I’m out of shape at the moment.  I have never been that athletic. But, I was asked to participate in the annual Turkey Trot here in Savannah this year by a friend.

I did it.  Yesterday had crappy weather.  It was cold and raining.  I didn’t train for this.  But, I refused to give up.

So what if I was the very last person to cross the finish line.  The most important part was that I DID cross the finish line.  Other people quit because of the weather. I saw them. I wanted to quit due to the rain, but I wouldn’t allow myself to.  My overall time was 1:22:30.

I am thankfully my friend, Alice, encouraged me.  The pace car cop didn’t leave me. The ladies cheering me on at Mile 3 were helpful.  However, it did hurt when I was yards from the finish line and I heard the emcee announce the end of the race.  That was very disheartening for me. It made me cry.  It made me feel like my effort was not worth celebration.  Winners have the cheerleaders and celebrations, but the person at the end didn’t. The park was a ghost town. The after party was finished. Nearly everyone was gone.  I was also overwhelmed in pain and pride that I didn’t quit, which contributed to the crying. I didn’t want a medal, but it would have been nice to have have some cheering.

I remember the last time I volunteered to help out at the Tybee Run.  It was the 2012 race. I gave out water cups at a certain point in the race. I did what the Mile 3 Ladies did for me. I stayed until the pace vehicle at the end of the race passed me at the end of the last race.  I felt the person at the end needed encouragement just as much as the person that won.  Probably more so than the winner. It’s easy to win at times; it’s hard to win at times, but it’s even harder not to quit. Thankfully, I do have a lot of people that are proud of what I did.


Comments
Life · Savannah



#IPackedAShoeBox
Posted on November 4th, 2017 @ 11:04 pm

I’m at the finishing touches now for my boxes. I wish I could afford to send more. I may only be sending 4 boxes, but for these, quality is more important than quantity for me.

If you are looking for an idea what to pack in a box, here’s what I packed:

5-9 Year Old Boy:

Tools:
Cup
Flashlight with extra batteries
Hammer
Pliers
Reusable Bag
Reusable Utensils
Rope Clip
Screwdriver
Sewing Kit with extra safety pins
Tape Measure

Toiletries:
Bar of Soap
Lip Balm
Magic Towel
Manicure Kit
Tissues

Learning:
Crayons
Pad of paper
Pencil Sharpener
Pencils
Rulers
Stickers

Clothing:
Gloves
Socks
Sunglasses

Toys:
Baseball
Beanie Baby
Hackey Sacks
Hot Wheels
Rubber Duckie
Rubik’s Cube

Spiritual:
Hand Painted John 3:16 Rock
I Am Loved pin
Personalized Letter
Photo of me
Post Cards from me
Prayer Book

5-9 Year Old Girl:

Tools:
Cup
Flashlight with extra batteries
Reusable Bag
Reusable Utensils
Sewing Kit with extra safety pins

Toiletries:
Bar of Soap
Hairbrush & Comb
Hairbands
Hair Scrunchie
Lip Balm
Magic Towel
Manicure Kit
Tissues

Learning:
Crayons
Pad of paper
Pencil Sharpener
Pencils
Pens
Puffy Pink Pen
Rulers

Clothing:
Gloves
Jewelry
Socks
Sunglasses

Toys:
Beanie Baby
Coin Purse
Dolls (2)
Lei
Rubber Duckie

Spiritual:
Hand Painted John 3:16 Rock
I Am Loved pin
Personalized Letter
Photo of me
Post Cards from me
Prayer Book

10-14 Year Old Boy:

Tools:
Cup
Flashlight with extra batteries
Hammer
Pliers
Reusable Bag
Reusable Utensils
Rope Clip
Screwdriver
Sewing Kit with extra safety pins
Tape Measure
Work Gloves

Toiletries
Bar of Soap
Combs
Lip Balm
Magic Towel
Manicure Kit
Tissues

Learning:
Crayons
Pad of paper
Pencil Sharpener
Pencils
Rulers
Stickers

Clothing:
Gloves
Socks
Sunglasses

Toys:
Beanie Baby
Hackey Sacks
Hot Wheels
Rubber Duckie
Rubik’s Cube

Spiritual:
Hand Painted John 3:16 Rock
I Am Loved pin
Personalized Letter
Photo of me
Post Cards from me
Prayer Book

10-14 Year Old Girl:

Tools:
Cup
Flashlight with extra batteries
Reusable Bag
Reusable Utensils
Sewing Kit with extra safety pins
Work Gloves

Toiletries:
Bar of Soap
Hairbrush
Hair Bands
Hair Scrunchie
Lip Balm
Magic Towel
Manicure Kit
Reusable Pad
Tissues

Learning:
Crayons
Notebook
Pad of paper
Pencil Sharpener
Pencils
Pens
Puffy Pink Pen
Rulers

Clothing:
Gloves
Jewelry
Socks
Sunglasses
Slipper Socks

Toys:
Beanie Baby
Coin Purse
Lei
Rubber Duckie

Spiritual:
Hand Painted John 3:16 Rock
I Am Loved pin
Personalized Letter
Photo of me
Post Cards from me
Prayer Book

More ideas can be found at Simply Shoeboxes. I recommend shopping throughout the year. For the boys, Harbor Freight was a great place to buy tools. Dollar Tree is good for some small stuff and bulk goods. If you can buy stuff in bulk, I recommend it.

I know there are people out there that are critical and venomous towards Samaritan’s Purse and Operation Christmas Child. They are allowed to express their thoughts on that. As for me, I am not going to be that critical. Any help is better than no help. Sometimes, it’s not the help itself that makes the difference, it’s the thought behind it. It’s the thought that someone took their time to think of me.

My mother stressed to me growing up at we had things a lot better than children in other parts in the world. Now, we had our lean days as well. We weren’t rich. Nicki and I had to share our My Little Ponies. We shared a lot of toys. Matthew and Beth got a lot of hand me downs, too. Matthew got my Hot Wheels collection and Beth everything else. As we all got older, things got better for our family, financially, so Matthew and Beth got things we didn’t get.

However, when we could afford it, my mother stressed sharing with others. If she knew a need had to be met for someone and she could fulfill that need, she did it. She just was a loving and helpful person. When we lived on Ft. Bragg, every year she tried to provide one kid on the Angel Tree.

So, in a way, I do this because I want my mother’s generosity to live on. I want some kid out there to know someone took the time to make their day a bit brighter.

Also, several years after my mother died, I was told about a nice woman that helped my mother in a time of need. I never met this woman. She’s long dead by now. But, after I heard that story, it made me sad to know my mother had to receive charity for us. And in a way, I want to honor that woman’s generosity. Pay it forward.

Maybe it comes out of the fact I suffer from depression. I don’t want others to be depressed. I want them to be happy. The simplest things can bring joy. If a little girl somewhere can get excited about a lei or a boy about a baseball, then it’s all worth it to me.


Comments Off on #IPackedAShoeBox
Life · Operation Christmas Child



What is wrong with us?
Posted on October 29th, 2017 @ 9:51 am

Imagine my disgust at this headline: George Washington’s Church Says Plaque Honoring First President Must Come Down.

WHAT

THE

ACTUAL

FARK?

“The plaques in our sanctuary make some in our presence feel unsafe or unwelcome.”

What is wrong with our society?

Here I am at a plaque starting George Washington was here:
Dork Shawn

I look so threatened by that plaque, don’t I? 🙄

Someone please explain to me how a plaque saying “This was George Washington’s pew” is unsafe and unwelcoming. Do you think the ghost of Washington is going to reach out and enslave your soul?

If it bothers you, YOU have the problem. Washington is long dead and gone. He’s not going to hurt you.  A plaque saying he once worshiped at this church is stating a fact. It happened and you can’t change it.

I would be LIVID if they tried to do the same thing at the Christ Church, Frederica on St. Simons Island. It’s a historical church. George Whitefield, John Wesley, and Charles Wesley ALL preached there. Savannah is home to many historical sites important to the Episcopal Church and the history of Methodism.

As I’ve said before and I’ll say it again. HISTORY IS UGLY. We cannot go scrubbing it away like people feel we need to do. We lose what has brought us to where we are as a result. If we keep getting rid of things we don’t like, then when does it stop?

I think St. Augustine, FL has the right idea about their Confederate Monument and I think other places should take note.  They are keeping it.  However, they are planning to put up additional plaques to explain the monument in a historical context.  They are thinking of doing the same for the one in Savannah.  We’re not denying history in this case.  It’s being clarified.

As to why I’m passionate about this topic, it is because I could have been a history major.  I enjoy history. I had to take an ethics class in college.  I chose an ethics class in history about slavery and the abolition cause in the antebellum days leading up to the Civil War. We read Uncle Tom’s Cabin, Our Nig, and Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass, an American Slave. It was a very interesting class. I learned things I didn’t learn in history classes prior to this one.

Imagine if that history was taking from us?  It had been once before, hadn’t?  It wasn’t pretty.  We know it’s there.  Some one kept it alive. We should learn from our mistakes, not hide them. History is a record of our bad and good. If you hid one part, you hide where we came from and you hide what we did to turn around and no longer be that way. You aren’t required to like it, but you are required to know it happened.

Previous examples:


Comments Off on What is wrong with us?
Politics & Current Events



It’s time for Operation Christmas Child box building & shipping.
Posted on October 23rd, 2017 @ 11:15 am

I just made my last purchases last night for my Operation Christmas Child boxes. I participated last year and wanted to do it again. This year, I’m doing 4 boxes. I did a box for a 5-9 year girl, a 5-9 year old boy, a 10-14 year boy, and a 10-14 year old girl. I’ve bought the stuff for it throughout the year. I am sending necessities, like toothbrushes and soap, but I added some fun stuff for the kids. Boys are getting Rubik’s Cubes. All get a bear. All get a cup. The older girl is getting an additional stuffed animal. The younger girl is getting a couple of dolls. The boys are also getting some tools. I ordered reusable pads for the older girl. The younger girl is getting a hairbrush set.

I basically filled the shoe boxes with as much as I can. Some of the stuff is dollar store stuff; some of it is not. I still need to sit down and write a short note for the boxes. And pick up a couple of postcards like last year!

Last year, my boxes went to Mali. I don’t know where they will go this year. I know when I get the e-mail.


Comments Off on It’s time for Operation Christmas Child box building & shipping.
Life · Operation Christmas Child



Concerts I’ve Seen
Posted on October 22nd, 2017 @ 2:20 pm

So, I decided to catalog all the concerts I have been to ever since my first one.  My first concert was to see Richard Marx in Atlanta at Chastain Park.  I’ve seen many acts, since. Links are to the photos I have on my Flickr account. I still have some more photos that I could find and scan. This post is updated as I attend more shows.

  1. Richard Marx – Chastain Park, Atlanta, GA – July 26, 1997
  2. *NSYNC – Florida Mall YM Show, Orlando, FL – May 30, 1998
  3. Richard Marx – Riverbend Festival, Chattanooga, TN, – June 14, 1998
  4. Richard Marx – Westbury Music Fair, Westbury, NY – July 16, 1999
  5. Richard Marx – Foxwoods Casino, Ledyard, CT – July 17, 1999
  6. Jordan Knight / *NSYNC – First American Music Center, Nashville, TN – August 4, 1999
  7. Backstreet Boys – Georgia Dome, Atlanta, GA – February 19, 2000
  8. LFO – Johnny Mercer Theater, Savannah, GA – May 25, 2000
  9. “Weird Al” Yankovic – Johnny Mercer Theater, Savannah, GA – August 22, 2000
  10. Aaron Carter – Wal-Mart Tour, Pooler, GA – September 30, 2000
  11. Richard Marx – Webcast Filming, Nashville, TN – October 11, 2000
  12. BBMAK- Pleasure Island, Orlando, FL – December 16, 2000
  13. Backstreet Boys – Georgia Dome, Atlanta, GA – January 27, 2001
  14. BBMAK / *NSYNC – Alltel Stadium, Jacksonville, FL – May 23, 2001
  15. BBMAK / Youngstown / Nobody’s Angel – MGM Studios, Orlando, FL – June 23, 2001
  16. Richard Marx – Grand Opera House, Macon, GA – January 19, 2002
  17. Angie Aparo – The Pond House, Statesboro, GA – March 5, 2004
  18. Sara Bareilles / Maroon 5 – Armstrong Atlantic State University Fine Arts Auditorium, Savannah, GA – May 6, 2004
  19. Train – Donovan Field, Ft. Stewart, GA – June 17, 2004
  20. Kimberely Locke – J. F. Gregory City Park, Richmond Hill, GA – October 16, 2004
  21. 3 Doors Down – MLK Jr. Arena, Savannah, GA – October 31, 2005
  22. Hootie and the Blowfish – Sea Pines Resort, Hilton Head Island, SC – August 17, 2006
  23. Johnny Diaz / Steven Curtis Chapman – Turner Field,  Atlanta, GA – August 2, 2008
  24. Amy Grant – Frederick Brown Jr. Amphitheater, Peachtree City, GA – September 11, 2009
  25. Jessie James – Turner Field, Atlanta, GA – October 2, 2009
  26. Montgomery Gentry – Turner Field, Atlanta, GA – September 11, 2010
  27. Caleb / Steven Curtis Chapman – Johnny Mercer Theater, Savannah, GA – October 15, 2010
  28. Little River Band – J. F. Gregory City Park, Richmond Hill, GA – October 16, 2010
  29. The B-52s – Turner Field, Atlanta, GA – July 16, 2011
  30. .38 Special – J. F. Gregory City Park, Richmond Hill, GA – October 15, 2011
  31. Amy Grant & Vince Gill 12 Days of Christmas – Johnny Mercer Theater, Savannah, GA – December 11, 2011
  32. Richard Marx – Frederick Brown Jr. Amphitheater, Peachtree City, GA- July 14, 2012
  33. Gin Blossoms – J. F. Gregory City Park, Richmond Hill, GA – October 20, 2012
  34. Collective Soul – J. F. Gregory City Park, Richmond Hill, GA – October 19, 2013
  35. Jason Gray, Laura Story, & Steven Curtis Chapman – Shandon Baptist Church, Columbia, SC – November 1, 2013
  36. Tennessee Mafia Jugband – The Station Inn, Nashville, TN – August 16, 2014
  37. Richard Marx – Ponte Vedra Concert Hall, Ponte Vedra Beach, FL – October 9, 2014
  38. Blues Traveler – J. F. Gregory City Park, Richmond Hill, GA – October 18, 2014
  39. Richard Marx – James K. Polk Theater, Nashville, TN – October 25, 2014
  40. Steven Curtis Chapman & Third Day – James Brown Arena, Augusta, GA – December 19, 2014
  41. Casting Crowns – MLK Jr. Arena, Savannah, GA – June 12, 2015
  42. Joe Nichols – J. F. Gregory City Park, Richmond Hill, GA – October 17, 2015
  43. Charlie Puth – Skype Live Studio, Portland, OR – November 5, 2015
  44. Amy Grant & Steven Curtis Chapman – Bon Secours Wellness Arena, Greenville, SC – February 28, 2016
  45. Moody Blues – North Charleston Performing Arts Center, North Charleston, SC – March 15, 2016
  46. Amy Grant, Nichole Nordeman, & Ellie Holcomb – Aiken Convocation Center, Aiken, SC – April 30, 2016
  47. Andy Grammer / Train- Volvo Car Stadium, Charleston, SC – August 17, 2016
  48. Elton John – MLK Jr. Arena, Savannah, GA – September 21, 2016
  49. Amy Grant, Michael W. Smith, & Jordan Smith – Infinite Energy Arena, Duluth, GA – December 16, 2016
  50. Jerrod Niemann / .38 Special – J. F. Gregory City Park, Richmond Hill, GA – October 21, 2017

Comments Off on Concerts I’ve Seen
Life · Music



Some days, I just want to say screw it all to hell!
Posted on October 7th, 2017 @ 9:29 am

(People tell me that I feel too much)
Oh no, ’cause I don’t care; no, I just don’t care anymore
As I ride this train

It’s been a while since I last posted. So, what’s happened to me since then:

  • Went on a cruise.
  • Returned to work.
  • My aunt died.
  • I went to Missouri to help my uncle.
  • My sister adopted a kitten.
  • My sister totaled one of my cars.
  • I had to evacuate my home for the threat of Hurricane Irma.
  • We went to Nashville, TN, because it was the closest city we could get an RV park space.
  • Came home. Waiting for the next piece of shit to hit the fan.

I swear, each time I post, I’m becoming more and more cynical.

Personally, I’m sick of what’s being flung at me. When does it stop? When the bill collectors start asking for their money, I’m starting to feel like a joke when I tell them the latest on why I can’t pay them. I leave them speechless when they call.

As for the world, I want off it. Seeing good like the people of Texas helping one another while it flooded after Harvey was great. And then the NFL goes and ruins that good will by protesting the National Anthem because President Trump hurt their little feelings. Well, you know what? Screw you NFL. That attitude is what is wrong with the world. Life sucks, get over it. You aren’t the first group of people to get your feelings hurt. To take it out on the American Public like you did disgusts me. I recognize your right to your feelings. I just think you are pansies in how you expressed it.

Prior to this, it was the event in Charlottesville. That was a clusterfuck. Seems like if you stand for the Bill of Rights, you’re racist. Racist people are vile. I don’t care which race you are advocating for. The fact that you will dismiss another population due to the hatred in your heart is the problem. And just like the pansy NFL players, the racist groups like the Skinheads and Neo-Nazis are afforded a right to speak. I have to protect heir rights, because if I don’t, there goes my rights. It’s a shame we even have Skinheads and Neo-Nazis in the first place.

And now there’s the Las Vegas massacre and people thinking gun control would have stopped it. People want to make it about gun control. Newsflash – there is gun control. Firearms Owners’ Protection Act of 1986 “it shall be unlawful for any person to transfer or possess a machinegun.” He should have never had one. As for guns, I don’t like them, but I know they are needed, sadly. I always loop back around to the The Monkey’s Paw portion of the “Treehouse of Horror II” episode of The Simpsons. Lisa wishes for world peace, which is all nice and dandy until the aliens invade.

When I was in high school, a kid was murdered on campus. I walked by it, oblivious to it. I was so used to the kids at the bus ramp acting up. The next year, we had to have mesh or clear bookbags. My homeroom was discussing that rational of such bags. We came up with ways to kill people with our books, pens, and pencils. We’re weren’t psychopaths. We were just jaded high school students. We knew at age 17/18 that if you want to kill someone, laws and regulations won’t stop a person. They will find a way to kill.

Examples of massacres & attacks on the public not using guns:

I could list more, but I think those are good examples.

The truth of the matter is evil is taking over the world.  It is corrupting us. It is taking us over and causing us to fight one another.  It’s breaking us out into our inner savage beast.  It’s tearing friendships apart.  I feel like we’re turning into savages. No wonder I’m turning cynical and depressed.  I want to just say sayanora to this world I’m living in.  It’s not a very nice one.


Comments Off on Some days, I just want to say screw it all to hell!
Head Scratchers · Life · Politics & Current Events



The Ugly Truth on Mental Health – Why Bother?
Posted on June 12th, 2017 @ 3:00 pm

I went to the movies yesterday and saw this ad. I was yelling at it, well, not yelling at it, but talking loudly, at it.

You see, there’s an ugly side about getting mental health treatment. It’s called being told you aren’t crazy enough to get short term disability.

I mean really. What good is it to ask for help and get told no, because you are sane enough to know you are sane?

I’m in a catch-22.

I suffer from depression. I have for years. And I try to fight it. I do. But, it’s a chemical imbalance.

At the moment, I am fighting it big time. Life is a stressor. It’s a big stressor. I tried to fight it and do what I must do, but at times, life can get at you. Your medication may not work.

At this time, since Hurricane Matthew, actually, I’ll take that back,it’s been before the hurricane, but I’m using it as a cutoff at the moment, life has been hell for me. There’s a lot of stuff in my life that I have been trying to take care of, in addition to working 40+ hours at work.

In the beginning of May, I was hospitalized at a mental health treatment center for a week. When I got out, I was told not to rush back to work.

Well, here’s where it gets dicey. I am on leave and it’s approved, but I’m not medical disabled at the moment to work. So unpaid leave it is.

And that’s the catch-22.

I’m sane enough to know I’m not mentally well but not mentally well enough to return to work. And because I’m not drooling and hearing voices in my head to have me committed even longer, I can’t draw short time disability. Oh, and while I’m not working, I need to pay for my health care costs out of pocket.

So, I don’t have money to pay for my health care. My health care that pays for the medications I need to be mental fit.

No wonder people don’t go get the help they need. No wonder people lose it and go postal. I’m fucked.

We’re told to get help and when we need help, this is what we get told.

I just wanted enough money to get me through this time of need. I don’t want a yacht. I just want to get healthy and return to work. I don’t want to be a sobbing mess.

In the end, I’m being punished for trying to do the right thing.

And here’s the thing. I know I’m not alone. There are many people out there in my situation that are doing all they can to become better. They are following the advice of their mental health teams. They take their medications. They are doing the best they can, but they are told that they aren’t disabled. They aren’t in need of help according to guidelines.

I write this entry not only as a well to express my feelings on this, but to warn others. It’s no use getting help when no one will help you. Really. No wonder there is a stigmata when it comes to mental health.

The mental health treatment center failed me. They couldn’t send my records over to the company that I would take care of my short term disability. The company handling my short term disability failed me. They never DEMANDED my records. Really, they just can’t seem to grasp the human side of mental illness. I’m well enough not to be hospitalized, but I’m not well enough to return to work. Being aware of what is going on doesn’t mean I’m not troubled. And that’s that the boils down to. I feel like me and people like me are being told that our mental health doesn’t matter in the long run. We are just a bother to society. We are worthless. We are not in need of help.

You can try to be rational all you want to me, but I’m in an irrational mood. I hate that I feel this way. I don’t want to feel this way. But damn it, my mind is broken. Just because you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it’s not there. You can’t see broken bones sometimes, unless you have an x-ray, but when they aren’t working, we know people are disabled. Why do we treat mental illness differently? I don’t see you as telling me it’s a medical definition. I see it as you belittling me and making my worth worthless. I’m broken; I know it. But I’m not broken enough to be fixed within the system.

So yes, seeing this ad yesterday really pissed me off. What good is asking for help when you can’t get any help at all? Mental health help is just a farce after all (Except for my therapist team helping me. At least they care. At least I’m not just a random piece of paper to them).


Comments Off on The Ugly Truth on Mental Health – Why Bother?
Life · Politics & Current Events



| Home | Previously in my life »